Author: AnnaM

Apartment Dogs

| AnnaM

Dear Apartment Dogs,

I hear the chorus of your sadness

Your forlorn howls and anxious barks

You didn’t want to be left

To miss a walk in the park

If only you could hear the others

behind the walls and the locks

Alone together in the city

Potential friends in their own box

A few wise ones know it’s not forever

And not everyone cries as you do

Some choose to sleep, some choose to eat

But there are many that surround you

This time alone is your burden

But it’s lighter than you think

We will carry it together

One day we might even meet

These lonely hours won’t last forever

Over long before this poem is written

Your parents will come home again

Your pain will be forgotten

Until then, we all endure

As you wallow in your grief

Hoping soon your cries will be gone

Replaced by sounds of happy feet

Long term effects

| AnnaM

As I typically do before bed, I was scrolling through internet posts on Imgur.com hoping for cute cat videos and such.  I paused on a picture of a tiger in a cardboard box.  It was cute and he was gorgeous, but he was clearly in a sad concrete enclosure and the box was the best thing he had.  I read through the comments to see if anyone else had noticed something similar.  Instead I came across a truly disturbing comment about something someone had experienced.  I tried to put the thought out of my mind and resumed looking for something fun to wash away the negative.  I quickly found more funny posts, felt better, and went to sleep.

On my long run today, what pops back into my head?  The situation from the comment yesterday.  I must have scanned through 50 posts, most of which were hilarious, but the thing that stuck was the one sentence comment.  Given my habit of scrolling through the news, facebook, or other sites during spare minutes of the day, I’m certain that I will read or see something upsetting over the course of the day.  Plastered all over the internet are countless examples of people and animals being murdered, tortured, neglected, subjected to chronic suffering or even going extinct.  As much as I try to avoid reading horrible things, I waver on whether or not it’s good to be aware that these things happen.  If we don’t know about them, how do we do something about them?  But that’s the problem – I usually can’t help that one tiger in a cage or those that have it even worse.  Instead, I take the those images and carry them with me.  

Since it was a long run, I had plenty of time to reflect on this.  I realized that my error has been in thinking these collisions with awfulness will only have a relatively short-lived impact on my happiness.  It might be overly dramatic to equate our exposure to violence as closer to mercury accumulating in our bodies, benign at low levels but toxic with added exposure.  Is it wrong to resolve to avoid the news and social media and only watch romantic comedies?  If I donate to a few organizations that are able to help, is it reasonable to protect myself and put up a closely guarded perimeter?  What’s worse – to feel deep empathy or to be desensitized?  If I feel this way after only reading and watching, then how much worse is it for those that are in it?

Every person’s line is different, but mine has been crossed.   I’m hoping that the damage done is more like that caused by smoking – the wounds will heal with cessation and enough time.

A slow walk in the sun

| AnnaM

Great day for a walk

Last Saturday, it had been an amazing day of relaxation and hanging out around the house when I got the text from my friend that spurred me out the door.  She was staying in for the night but mentioned how fabulous it had been to get outside in the sun earlier.  That’s the way it is in Seattle.  When it’s sunny, there is a collective sense of urgency about going outside before it goes back to grey.  The parks fill up and everyone is smiling.  The pull to go outside when it’s nice out is so common that my work has an unwritten 85 degree policy – when it hits that temp it’s time to leave, no questions asked.

Hank is in the same boat since his favorite thing is to be warm.  On a sunny day, you can predict where he will be in the house depending on the time and the location of the sun spots, starting at the top of the stairs in the morning and finishing on the mat near the back door in the afternoon.  Later, when the lamp is on next to the bed, you’ll find him under it warming his ears.  He loves to go outside but doesn’t like to travel so going to a park is out of the question.   Instead, on a sleepy Saturday when there’s nothing but time, we take a long, slow walk around the neighborhood looking for something interesting but not really caring if we find it.

 

A Picture Worth Taking

| AnnaM

They say a picture says a thousand words, but what do 1,000+ cat pictures say?  A few things really, but mainly that I really love my cats.  If I have to pick the top reason for why we have so many cat pictures, it would have to be that there is always something unique about that particular expression or pose, or they are in a new spot or are looking out the window at something new.  It wasn’t too long ago where Hank was watching the snow come down for the first time, as far as he remembered, and when we discovered how much he loved laying in front of the fireplace on the rug.  You can imagine the explosion of pictures that occurred when we figured that out.

The progression from lithe and energetic youngsters to thicker and lazier cats makes seeing them stretched out on your legs for the 100th time still feel fresh.  No one is the same as they were yesterday*, and the cats are no exception.  They, Hank especially, are still learning, trying out new things in the new house, and getting more adamant about what they want.  B is the one that seems to be changing the most right now, and figuring that out is especially tough.    Even though I’m not sure what’s wrong, I’m sticking with her until we do.

Perhaps the easiest thing to point to as a source of endless cat pictures can be summed up in one word – toys.  Buying a new cat bed and growing wheat grass certainly resulted in their fair share of pictures, but the icing on the cake – or better yet, the whole cake –  was the new camera and its high powered lenses.  Sure, sunsets and landscapes are nice, but they are also somewhat inconvenient and a bit generic.  Hank and B, on the other hand, are characters worthy of our focus.

*“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”  Heraclitus ~500 B.C.

Family

| AnnaM

 

I got my first cat (B) after I found myself alone after a break-up.  Having never lived by myself, coming home to an empty house was pretty depressing.  I had no idea the difference it would make, but the change was instant.  There was always someone home and she was happy to see me, even if it was verbalized in the form of incessant meowing.  Henri (when I have him), Hank, and B may not be kids, but they are loved.  They make a house a home and a couple of people – a family.

Indoor / Outdoor Cat

| AnnaM

2016-07-06 08.01.16

Hank is a very intelligent cat.  He loves finding new places around the house and loves to participate in household activities like opening packages and cooking.  Recently it became clear that the house was too small for him.  He started finding the closed doors and insisting they be opened.  We couldn’t bear the thought of him getting lost out in the great outdoors by himself, so we got him a harness.  So far, he doesn’t seem to mind it and even responds well to the soft tug or resistance in the line when he gets too close to the edge of the yard.  He knows that it means we are going the other way and adapts accordingly.  Usually, we run out of time before he’s even begun to get started.  Most likely, he’s still gnawing on the first of many grass bushes that he passes on the path to the sidewalk.  He takes his time outside since it’s all new and there’s so much to explore.  That’s when the question comes – when is the right time to let him stay out for short periods on his own?  He loves it outside so much, but we love him so much.  There are so many other indoor/outdoor cats in the neighborhood, so doesn’t that mean it’s relatively safe?  Where is the line between living your fullest life and potentially living a shorter life?  In his case, we don’t want to come close to finding out.

Workout Buddy Needed

| AnnaM


I have mixed feelings about workout partners.  They run too fast or too slow.  They require being somewhere at a certain time when I really prefer to play it by ear.  They might talk when I’m really not in the mood…so much for mixed feelings!  A workout “buddy” on the other hand is always welcome, even if he does get in the way when I’m doing push-ups.

You can do big things

| AnnaM

2016-02-20 07.53.45

 

I had a friend tell me, “You are one of those people that can do big things”.  That stuck with me.  What does it mean to do “big things” and should I be doing them?  Am I falling short of my potential?  Is what I’m doing now big enough?  At the same time, I’m wondering if I deserve to be where I am today.  How’s that for a confusing, conflicting self esteem challenge?  Life is not a race.  Everyone’s circumstances, timing, and luck are different.  I don’t regret anything, have what I need, and am happy.  That’s a big thing in my book.

Busy Doing Nothing

| AnnaM

We are busy doing nothing
We are busy doing nothing

We all know the drill.  The mornings are for getting breakfast and a few cat naps in before it’s time to switch rooms.  During the week, it’s a short routine followed by a long stretch in the day that’s reserved for catching up on the much needed rest after a tiring weekend.  Before long, it’s time to get up for the evening routine.  On the weekend, the days are a little longer and there are more demands to socialize and share space.  There’s usually a workout or two and some new food to try.  But what about when you’ve caught up – when you don’t need a nap and the string has been firmly batted into submission?  What do you do when you’ve found some extra time for yourself after the social activities are done and work is on the backburner?  How do you walk the line between wasting time, being productive, and making the most of this short life without turning it into a race or only being busy?  I’m guessing it has something to do with developing interests and finding a passion, ideally something that sticks beyond just a phase.  In the meantime, you’ll find me in one of my usual spots doing one of my usual things, not unhappy but a little bit bored and pleased to see you.